As usual, my emotions and feelings have been all over the place. Going through continuous heart break isn’t what I planned half of my college career to entail, but it did. The amount of time I think about this is unhealthy. I could have prevented it, I could have done things differently. But in the end, things happened because they were suppose to turn out that way. I’m disgusted with the way I handled myself in front of my family and friends, the actions I did, the dangerous risks I took. All were not me, all were not who I was, it seemed like someone took over my body and acted out. I am actually ashamed of myself…
Well, I can’t just dig myself in a hole though. The past is the past and I can’t change it. Time to actually move on and get on with my life. Time to focus on what I’ve been trying to focus on throughout college: my relationship with God and my school work. Everything else will just come into place with this constant reliance on God and his plan for me. If you know me, I’m very impatient and I must pray for continuous patience in my life. I need to truly enjoy life and learn and grow from my past, not go back to it.
All in all, these things happened for a certain reason and I can’t complain about it because it makes me a stronger person today. Being around family and friends help the most, but actually having that positive attitude will get me farther in life.
K that is all.
I just needed to vent before I actually started studying bc this has been on my mind and I needed to spill it out somewhere.